Sometimes...

I'm not feeling bad all the time.
And I'm not happy all the time either.

Being bipolar is not about being sad or happy. It's not about that normal Mood swings everybody has several times a day.

It's about living in a rollercoaster inside your own mind. It's about being overwelmed by the smallest things. It's about depression, and the kind of pain you can't hope to describe how hard it is to just
 breath and be.

Being bipolar is about thinking too much, too fast, too big. It's going in this loop of thoughts that you know makes no sense racionaly and yet you don't seen to be able to make It stop. You Just can't stop.

Sometimes it's so exausting that you feel you could sleep for days. But you don't. You close your eyes and the thoughts get stronger, more real, more scary, more. When you finaly manage to sleep you wake up after Just a few hours. You still tired, but staying in bed seen Impossible.

Sometimes your so happy and has so much energy It feels you could do anything.
And as fast as a heartbeat, It fades away and you feel miserable again.

You feel you can't Trust yourself, why Others should? Why they shouldn 't?

And sometimes you Just feel ok. Normal.

It doesnt have to be like that.

Bipolar disorder is a treatable illness.
There are several treatments.
They are hard,  because It Takes time for then to really work. Months, years.
Yes, It needs commitment.
You start to see a diference in feel weeks, but the treatment need ajustment. But it's worth It.
Terapy helps a Lot. Like, really, a Lot.
You nedd to be patient, and I know it's hard to be patient when we are in pain.

But is worth It.

I'm in treatment now for 15 years.
I still have my ups and downs. I had a Lot of downs the last few years. But is nothing compared to How It was before the treatment.

Sometimes the days are bad.
Sometimes they are better.
Sometimes I'm Just ok.

Sometimes It rains.

Sometimes...